all hail the queen
drake: *walks away*
girl: I’LL LICK YA BOOTY
i wonder if my first follower still follows me
*eats 1,000 oranges* its fruit i won’t gain weight
An orange is approximately 87 calories. If you were to eat 1,000 oranges that would be 87,000 calories.
its fruit i wont gain weight
Remember those swiffer commercials where the broom was like in love and in the background they would play ‘who’s that lady’ and it was just
i wanna be a famous persons best friend
so today at work I cleaned this old man’s golf clubs and I thought he was getting his wallet out of his bag but instead he pulls out this giant plastic target bag of yellow plums. he tipped us in yellow plums. he told us not to tell anyone we had these and I looked them up because they were so good and these plums are illegal in the US. I got tipped in illegally imported plums.
this is the best omegle conversation i’ve had so far
Friends who snapchat people pictures of you when you’re not paying attention are the friends you need to destroy
Nah its the people who snapchat other people pics of you eating when you’re not paying attention is when you know to get new friends
tha guy on the cliff he just finished highschool and what he did was he threw all his school papers and books over the cliff screaming “take that” personally i think that its really cool because in a way its like hes free. He went through four years of studying,exams,memorizing things that didn’t even matter but now he’s free now he can finally be free and i bet its the best feeling in the world
great, now all the birds and shit gonna be learning human knowledge. get ready for society to be conquered by animals. look outside and a deer is riding a bicycle down the road. stuck in line at the grocery store cause some rabbit is arguing with the clerk about a coupon. fish swims up the toilet while youre droppin a log, asks to borrow some salt. thanks a lot, guy on the cliff
*makes up for ugly face with semi-okay personality*